Things No One Tells You About Being A Parent, Episode 1: Wine Culture

One of the things they never tell you about deciding to be a parent is that when you DO make arguably one of the most “adult” choices/steps in your life, it will conversely, pretty much rule out “adult” beverages being a part of that life.

Obviously, there’s no drinking when pregnant. And if you’re trying to get pregnant, it’s not recommended either. So there goes about two years off the top right there.

But the thing no one tells you is that once that’s all over with, and you can enjoy an adult beverage free and clear of societal scrutiny and real medical issues, you probably won’t want to because you are SO VERY EXHAUSTED.

I say this because it seems to me there are an INSANE amount of mom memes out there about wine, and I’m not sure where they came from and how they perpetuated. Is it aspirational? Wishful thinking? Who are these women?

Let me be the first to say I enjoy a good glass of wine. True to stereotype, it is my adult beverage of choice. But I will tell you the cold, hard truth: My child will be three in November, and my alcohol consumption is still almost nonexistent.

Like, maybe 1-2 glasses every other month or so, when I was around 2-3 a week pre-baby. Because by the time we get Teddy to bed and I’m able to sit down, by myself at night and have a moment to unwind, it’s all I can do to watch a few minutes of TV/pick up the house a bit before passing out into a heap on the couch before then working up enough energy to brush teeth, wash face, pass out in actual bed.

Hard Truth 2: I’ve been told when people give up alcohol, they often lose quite a bit of weight. This has not been my experience at all.

Similar to the time I got my tonsils out at the ripe age of 25 (another time, I’ll tell you THAT horror story), I assumed my inability to consume solid foods would make me drop weight like crazy. But like my narcotic-hazed tonsil recovery where I consumed nothing but potato soup and ended up gaining weight, I have thus replaced alcohol with ALL THE CARBS and made no progress.

So that’s fun.

I guess I say all this because,

1.) I am a firm believer in portraying my life as a parent accurately and never making anyone else feel less-than for not “having it all” or having it all figured out.

2.) This weekend it occurred to me that there was a time in college I actively pursued having alcohol but had no resources to obtain it, but now I have THREE unopened bottles of wine in our house and absolutely no desire to touch any of it. Such is life.

3.) I don’t so much care about the alcohol coming back into my life as I care about regaining the ENERGY to even feel like that would be a good idea. And I’d love to know when exactly that will happen.

Moms with kids older than mine: What age were your little ones when you finally started feeling like you weren’t running on empty all time? Five? Eighteen? I just want to know how far that light at the end of the tunnel really is… 😉

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